“That’s a cake?”
My assistant S.D. just chuckled. Everyone was asking her that same question.
|
“It looks like a sculpture. Are you sure we can eat it?” My researcher K.D. took out his phone and snapped a photo.
S.D. told him, “It even comes with instructions on how to cut it after we sing Happy Birthday to Dr. Sears.”
That was a fun cake. It looked so real. It had a couple of old-time doctors’ briefcases, a globe marked with all of the places I’ve traveled to, a couple of stethoscopes that looked like you could use them, and even a copy of my P.A.C.E. book!
You know I don’t usually recommend eating sweets like that. But cake is sort of an important symbol of celebration and coming together in this country. Plus it’s a little bit of decadent pleasure, which is also important.
Besides cake, we also had hula dancers, tropical cocktails and a big Polynesian island buffet.
I like Polynesian food because they’ve mixed in foods from other cultures, but kept their native foods as the main focus of their meals.
I also liked the idea of having a Polynesian party because togetherness and pleasure are very important in their culture.
And that’s what I want to talk to you about today. It’s called The Pleasure Prescription.
Aloha
The Polynesians have a whole different set of values for social interactions.
They don’t value things like independence. Your strength of character is not judged by how you soldier on and get through things without complaint, but by your cooperative behavior. To be amiable is very highly regarded. So they don’t have some of the issues that we have in that they are first and foremost polite.
Dr. Paul Pearsall explains it this way in his book, “The Pleasure Prescription.” He writes that Polynesians live by their understanding of aloha. It’s the drive to do what’s healthful and pleasurable. Alo means share, and ha means breath. So aloha means to share the breath of life.
A Better Life In The Modern World
They strive for the relaxation, happiness and long life that come from sharing. Dr. Pearsall counsels people about how to do better with their relationships and how to have a more healthy and pleasurable life in today’s world by learning from the Polynesians. And it’s exceptionally good advice.
Pearsall describes the five principles that make up aloha.
They are five terms that we don’t even have in English that describe their simple, harmonious and gentle take on life:
Ahonui: This means to be patient, but to persevere in that patience.
Lokahi: This is unity, but in the sense of harmoniousness.
Olu’olu: To be pleasantly agreeable.
Ha’aha’a: This means humility, with a sense of careful modesty.
Akahai: A gentle kindness that includes tenderness and consideration toward everyone.
When I think about those, I realize that virtually every person I’ve ever had a problem didn’t have those things. They didn’t have patience, they weren’t agreeable, they didn’t have humility, they weren’t kind. And you know, you run into that a lot.
Most of us will live longer than our great-grandparents, but how are we getting there? Did you know that how you feel about yourself and how well you expect to live may be more important than any assessment made by a doctor?1
It’s true. In one study, people who thought of their health status as “poor” died early at almost three times the rate as those who said they felt their health was “excellent.”2
And in a review, researchers looked at 30 studies on self-reported health and how well people lived. They found that self-reported wellbeing can actually control how other risks affect you.
It seems the ancient Polynesians knew this.
They have developed their own “health care” system for living together, solving problems, and finding pleasure in living that you and I can emulate.
Here is Dr. Pearsall’s prescription for how to have a better, longer and more pleasurable life the Polynesian way:
1) A Penny For Your Patience: To Polynesians, the secret to a joyful life is to realize that you don’t develop patience because you have time to spare. Rather, you realize you have more than enough time because you have patience.
Here’s an easy way to learn to be persistent in your patience. Put three pennies in your pocket. Every time you become irritated or impatient with someone else or even yourself, put your hand in your pocket; gently turn one of the pennies while you count to ten. Then take out that penny and leave it for someone to find.
At the end of each day, see how many pennies you have left. If you have any, add them to the three you put in your pocket the next day. If your pocket jingles by the end of the week, congratulations! You’re developing a good sense of ahonui.
2) Listen To The Message: The Polynesians believe that all things on earth think, feel, and communicate in ways we haven’t discovered yet and maybe can’t even imagine. There is no separation, only unity.
To have a greater sense of harmony with others, try to spend five minutes each day sitting quietly with someone. Don’t try to make a connection, just let it happen. Then talk about it, and you’ll see how powerful nonverbal communication can be. You’ll be on your way to building lokahi.
3) Confess Instead Of Express: In the West we hear often how good it is to “express your feelings.” But Polynesians believe that how much pleasure you get out of life is in direct proportion to how little anger you show.
To help your body and mind deal with times when you’re angry or feel anger coming on, write it down. Write down what your mind thinks is the source of your anger, then stop. Go back a few days later and read it when your mind is calmer. This is confessing your anger, instead of expressing it.
Ancient Polynesians knew that anger has a long fuse, and you have to let all the hormones that build up inside you diffuse before you can look at what happened. No one is ever happy after they’ve been angry. The pleasurable life is one with olu’olu, which you’ll have room for when there’s no more anger.
4) Share Some Humble Pie: A strong self image isn’t necessarily the best way to health and happiness in today’s world. The Polynesians feel you need a core of stable features instead. They include accepting your appearance and respecting your family and origins. That way, you can fill several roles in your community, and grow through those in which you might not be as good while still succeeding in others you excel in.
To gain humility, Polynesians have an exercise where they go the entire day without saying the word “I,” “me,” or “mine.” You can substitute something else, or say nothing at all. You’ll notice it’s tough in modern society.
But at the end of the day, you might discover it was one of the most stress-free days you’ve ever had. You might also find that as you use those pronouns less, so will others. You may start to feel a greater sense of ha’aha’a, but also more connected to others (lokahi) and more kind and considerate, which is the fifth principle of aloha, called akahai.
5) Try A Little Tenderness: This part of aloha is about giving and helping, sharing the breath of life, and being considerate and altruistic.
There are four ways to do this:
- Help strangers – Commit to helping one person you don’t know each day.
- Make personal contact – Help people one on one. Don’t mail in your donation.
- Build your core, give your energy – Take care of yourself so that you have energy to help others.
- Be a partner – Help for help’s sake. Helping is giving.
You don’t have to fix, or be the rescuer. Caring enough to be there is what makes people feel better. That’s akahai.
_______________________________________________________
1. Mossey JM, Shapiro E. “Self-rated health: a predictor of mortality among the elderly.” Am J Public Health. 1982 Aug;72(8):800-8.
2. Mossey JM, Shapiro E. “Self-rated health: a predictor of mortality among the elderly.” Am J Public Health. 1982 Aug;72(8):800-8.
3. Kawada T. “Self-rated health and life prognosis.” Arch Med Res. 2003 Jul-Aug;34(4):343-7.